So it has been almost a year.  Oh how time flies.  I am still dating the same guy.  I am now finding it hard to talk about my relationship.  Maybe because it is so complicated and so every part of my life.  So I'll start with the easy stuff.

I work from home and love it.  I got a huge raise. I can stay in my PJ's till lunch and than put on a bathing suit and tan, clean the house, whatever.  My jeep will be paid off next month after 5 long years of payments.  Yea!!  We are going camping this weekend at the beach and i'm exicited about it.  Love the beach.  Guess that is it for now.

XOXO, me

I was reading my blog that was long forgot about, and decided that I really am glad I can look back at what was happening in my life at that time.  So I will give myself an update now for the future. 

I am still dating the same guy from the past few entries.  In fact we just moved in together this month.  It has been about a 1-1/2 year together.  I really love him.  I am glad I have a man.  I know now that anyone can get fucked, but trusting and finding someone who doesn't fuck around is hard.  And I hope that is what I believe to have found in him.  If not I am still a stupid, stupid girl.  But I'm pretty sure I'm not. 

Oh how love is blind. (but oh so great)

Today is a nice day.  I love the spring.  Everything blooms, all the flowers smell delightful and the days are longer. But I still think Summer is my favorite season. 

 I spent last summer between Hawaii and Flordia.  Hawaii is sooo beautiful.  There is nothing better than blue water and lust volcanic mountians covered in tropical greenage.  I went with my family to Hawaii, I know not the first choice of people you go there with.  But it worked out really well.  I stayed out of trouble and almost everything got paid for.  I did meet a local while I was there.  He lived close to my hotel and seemed really cool...at first.  I went out on a 'date' with him.  I was curently dating my man at the time but only for a few months and I wanted to see if I really felt the 'love' or if I could be inticed by some island boy.  It also helped that the island boy how the wowie maui...  Anyhow I ended kissing him on the beach in maui and I hated it.  As soon as I kissed him I relized this is not the man I'm used to kissing and not right.  He was trying to get in my pants something terrible, as I sure he did once a week to every tourist girl he could get his hands on.  So I left him sitting on the beach and didn't call him again.  Anyhow my man had been out doing the same thing in our town while I was out. 

So I had met this island guys sister at his house and she was about 95 lbs and tracked up.  He told me that the islands had really bad Meth problems, as I wolud assume so did his sister.  That seems so weird that such a awesome place would have such fucked up people.   I can't believe I went to his house.  In a different state how nieve.  At least I'm still alive.  I guess you take that chance everytime you go out with a new person.

 

 

So like I said she leaves him a message and I ask, well more like scream at him about this and he says that he didn't stay at her house he stayed at his friends house.  So I got her # and called her. She said he did stay at her house he passed out in her bed and she slept on the couch.  They did kiss but it was a nothing kiss and I should not be mad at him because he didn't do anything wrong.  He said he didn't sleep in her bed the whole time untill I till him I will forgive him but I don't want ot forgive his half truthes.  Then he says he did pass out in her bed when she left but then woke up and passed out on the couch.  where the hell was she when he 'transfered'  It is all so fishy.  I have been physically ill over this for the past three days.  Saturday night I got fired from my bar job because I felt so bad I had to leave and they said I gave up to many of my shifts the past weeks so they fired me.  My bf did this to me and than I get fired.  I called him to make him feel bad about me being fired and he convinced me to go see him.  Well I puked all over myself while I was driving to see him twice because I couldn't stop in the middle of the road.  I'm trying to beleive him and I'm trying to drop it.  I cut his phone off.  I still feel sick over it.  I know if I didn't catch him in a lie he would have never told me the truth.  That is the fucked up part.

 

I had the worst weekend ever.  My BF asked me if I had been with someone he knew and I had, 9 years ago, and then he dumped me.  So I figured he just needed space so I let him go out to the bar we go to all the time and blow off steam.  Well he went and picked up a girl and got drunk with her and took her home and slept in her bed and she says they kissed. How did I find out this all so cleverly by the next morning.  The dumb ass, I check his voice mail.  She left him a message that said 'hey sweetie you (being my bf) just left me and I acted so retarted last night and I would understand if you didn't want to take me out to a movie and dinner because things got so stupid last night'.   I should have killed him.  i'll tell the rest later.

So my last entry was a small insight into my relationship.  I really get along well with my man until we argue.  He has to be the conversation dominator and the winner of all discussions.  Last night was his birthday and he got a little buzz (the alcohol always helps) and months ago he asked me something about my past that I didn't tell him the whole truth about.  Pretty much him: 'did you screw him?' me: 'no', well after he asked me again I saw that he thought something of it and really wanted to know so I told him.  Because I don't want to feel like I'm lying to him.  But he can't ever drop it later for months he tells me what  hoe I am even though he has screwed 4X easy what I have. This indescression happened 6 years before we get together.  So he flips out and calls me all the bad names you can think of and we argue for HOURS.  Chokes me holds me down by my wrists and yells at me for hours.  I know, I as well have takened it that next step when I'm mad at him by yelling and biting and hitting.  This all started no more that a month ago.  But what I want to know is after it starts is it to late to stop it?  Now when I get mad at him I want to beat the shit out of him.  and I think he feels the same. 

It sure has been awhile.  I have been out doing life.  I am still with the great guy now for the past year.  Tomorrow is his 26th b-day.  I got him a phone for x-mas and he told me Sat. night after a good 8 jeager bombs that he had called his ex girl friend.  She had been calling him at his mom's house and told me that he had not been returning her calls.  He did say she got a job offer in Atlanta and she was moving there and asked him if he wanted to move with her.  Well we laughed it off and I asked him not to respond to her and I really didn't want him to talk to her.  So she called and left him a message that she lost her job and he said he called her back and left her a message that he was sorry.  Well I was about drunk when he tells me and I flip out.  The only reason I think he told me is that I pay for his phone and I told him that all the numbers he calls I can see.  When we were out one day he said her number and I wrote it down in case I ever needed it.  Well i called her and left her a nasty message, something like f-- you, you f--ing bitch, don't ever call my f--ing bf again or I'll murder you.  bla bla bla.  So she sent me a text message something to the effect I'm going to the magistrete Monday morning and getting youi for salnder and abusive phone calls. I'm a 30 year old woman, married with a baby, and I wouldn't piss on your bf if he was on fire get your facts staight before you call me with your lame BS.  God I want to beat her face in.  I did give him a good beating about it.  She is not married and does not have a kid and even if she did even more of a reason for you to get the hell of my man, you had your chance.  now it really pisses me off to think about it.

It's me again... 

So I did end up going to Hawaii.  It was so pretty there.  I was there for a week and really enjoyed it.  I am still bartending at a local watering hole arround here and enjoying it.  I have finally meet someone worth my time.  We went to high school together but never had really knew each other we both graduated together and all.  He is smart, very cute and concited just how I like them.  Anyhow it has been 4 or 5 months now and all is going very well.

in other news I just turned 25 Sunday and I feel really old. 

I hope all is well in blog world...

 

No news...  I never bought a tix to HI because my g-ma is sick and decided she wants my family to come here instead of us going there.  BOOO.  Nothing to new going on with me, I'm still working at the local watering hole hoping one day a guy will mossey on in there that is worth a second look.  I was going to Syracuse last weekend but opted for Massanutten instead it is a small resort in VA.  So I let out some agression on the slopes.  I really want to buy my own snowboard soon.  I got my eye on one but it is like 300 dollars.  I haven't looked for or found a 'real job' yet.  I like the life I got now, party till all hours get up at 2 or 3 and do it all over again.  I just need to remember that some day soon I will have to find a real job and then it will be back to the old borning Stacey again.

Well I have been working as a chef/waitress/bartender/cocktail waitress the past months or so.  I do like cooking at work the chef teaches me alot of cool stuff.  It is ok I like it better than waitressing but make less money.  I love to make burbon sauce or sauces with wine and have flames flying everywhere.  Other than working I have been drinking way too much.  It is really easy to do when you work in a bar where all your friends work and give you free drinks all night.  i haven't bought my own drinks in months.  So it makes it even harder to not drink. 

The guy I talked about in my last entey the married one, is now my stalker pretty much.  I was nice to him and now he won't leave me alone.  I told him that he has too much baggage but now he is at the place I work every night I'm there.  I just need to be mean now I guess because he just hasn't got the clue yet.

I'm buying my tix to Hawaii today.  First I'm going to San Francisco to visit my aunt and uncle and then we are going to HI!!! It is 1300 just to stay in HI for a week plus then I have to buy the flight.  I might stay in San fran for a few months. I can stay there for free with my family.  That would be cool.  I plan to go to Syracuse again before the winter is over.  I will drive there.  The part that sucks is I will have to pay all the tolls and gas and put miles on my jeep.  but I can stay with frineds when I get there.  I can't wait to go play in some snow.